A Humorous Take On The Political News Of The Day 

The Party of Cowardly Hypocrites: How Trump’s Enemies Became His Bootlickers

Bend the Knee or Be Forgotten

Once upon a time in the not-so-distant past, a handful of Republicans were willing to tell the truth about Donald Trump. They denounced him as a conman, a xenophobe, and, in some cases, even likened him to a historical dictator whose name rhymes with “Schmitler.” But fast forward to today, and those very same critics are now lining up like star-struck peasants at a medieval court, eager to pledge their undying loyalty to the convicted felon who once embodied everything they despised.

The irony? Trump revels in their submission. He doesn’t just forgive their past remarks—he enjoys making them grovel. Because at the end of the day, Donald Trump has never had real friends. He has only ever had worshippers.

The “Never Trumpers” Who Became “Yes, Daddy” Republicans

JD Vance, once an outspoken Trump critic, went from calling him “reprehensible” to gleefully serving as his running mate. At one point, Vance even suggested Trump could be “America’s Hitler” (historically, not a glowing review). But now? The man practically genuflects at the altar of Trumpism.

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What changed? Did Trump suddenly become a decent human being overnight? Did his policies take a turn for the enlightened? No, of course not. Vance just realized that principle doesn’t pay as well as pandering.

Lil’ Marco’s Long Road to Humiliation

Marco Rubio once proudly declared that he would never stop fighting to keep a “conman” from taking over the Republican Party. Spoiler alert: he stopped. The same man who passionately warned against authoritarian-style leaders is now Trump’s Secretary of State, executing orders like a well-trained intern at a failing startup.

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Rubio’s transformation from Trump critic to Trump lackey is so embarrassing, it should be studied in psychology textbooks under “How to Lose Your Spine in 10 Days.” The man who once warned of the dangers of putting faith in a strongman is now working overtime to make sure that very same strongman has his every whim fulfilled.

RFK Jr: The Opportunist-in-Chief

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. used to warn the world about Trump’s tactics. He once described the MAGA movement as an unholy alliance between “belligerent idiots” and “spineless fellow travelers.” A brutal but fair assessment.

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Yet here we are, watching RFK Jr. cozy up to Trump like an out-of-place wedding guest trying to blend in with the groom’s side of the family. His transformation isn’t just hypocrisy—it’s a self-own of epic proportions. The man once saw Trump as a dangerous authoritarian, and now? He’s hoping to be his plus-one at the political apocalypse.

Tulsi Gabbard: The Russian Asset Who Found a Home

Tulsi Gabbard made a name for herself denouncing Trump’s reckless foreign policy. She even called his assassination of an Iranian general an “act of war.” But much like everyone else on this list, Gabbard discovered that Trump’s orbit is a place where old principles go to die.

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Now, she’s part of the Republican machine, pushing whatever narrative the Trump train requires. It’s like watching someone go from “I hate pineapple on pizza” to “I would die for pineapple on pizza” just because they realized it was a requirement for getting free pizza.

Pete Hegseth: From Military Defender to Trump’s Personal Cheerleader

Once upon a time, Pete Hegseth had moments of clarity. He recognized that Trump was an “armchair strongman” who disrespected military heroes like John McCain. But as we’ve learned, self-respect is optional when you want a high-ranking position in Trump’s cabinet.

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Now, Hegseth has abandoned every ounce of integrity he once had, executing Trump’s personal vendettas like a yes-man on a mission. Trump has spent years attacking veterans, calling fallen soldiers “suckers” and “losers.” And yet, here’s Hegseth, a former soldier himself, jumping at the chance to serve a man who wouldn’t last two minutes in basic training.

The Great Trump Mind Game: Breaking and Remaking His Critics

The real story here isn’t just the breathtaking hypocrisy of Trump’s inner circle—it’s Trump’s ability to break people down and rebuild them in his image. He enjoys watching his former critics grovel. He takes pleasure in making them betray their past selves.

Why? Because Trump doesn’t need loyal allies. He needs broken men. He thrives on humiliation, on bending people to his will, on proving that no matter how much they once hated him, they will always come crawling back when power is on the table.

And the most pathetic part? They let him.

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Nubianrain
Nubianrain
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